Rest and Peace

I'm walking through Psalms 23 - verse by verse. This morning I focused on the second verse

² He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams. (NLT)

I began thinking about resting in green meadows and walking beside peaceful streams. I really want to experience that rest and peace. I mean, I do - at times. I have my moments of rest and peace, but I want them all the time.

Then I began to think, "Is this a reasonable expectation of the valley experience?" To be perfectly honest, I don't know. Maybe I should just enjoy the moments of peace and rest that I do experience. Maybe I should learn to appreciate these moments.

Then I re-read the verse. It says that the Shepherd "lets me rest in green meadows" and "leads me beside peaceful streams." Maybe the key to rest and peace lies within me. Hmmm? Think about this for a moment - he lets me rest. It may be that resting is my part. He provides the green pastures and it's my part to rest in them. Likewise, the Shepherd may be waiting on me to follow him beside the peaceful streams.

It's like Christ is saying, "I'm giving you all you need to experience the rest and peace you desire, but it's up to you to rest and to follow."

My struggle is that while I know what it looks and feels like to follow the Shepherd, I'm not sure I know what it looks or feels like to rest. I'm asking the Father to show me what that looks and feels like so I will know it when I experience it. What about you? Are you "resting? Are you following and experiencing the peace he offers.

Unlike myself, you may have known that peace and rest. Let me know what it looks and feels like to you. I would be interested in knowing.

One thing I'm learning about the valley experience is that sometimes there are more questions than answers. I think that's a good thing, especially if we are honest with God and let him know that we, indeed have these questions and we honestly seek answers. That, I believe, should be a pre-requisite for the valley experience.

Learning to rest and follow,
Mike

Surgery

Let me say up front this may be resemble a rambling and a weaving of a couple of thoughts together. If this doesn't make sense, don't worry about it. I'm still working through this myself. If it speaks to your heart, take it and run with it. For those of you who are theologically literate, cut me some slack and grant me some grace. I would love to hear from you, but don't scorch me yet. - Mike

I must admit that in Karen's passing it feels as though a part of me has been amputated. It's as though a vital part of my life has been cut away. I guess this may be part of the valley expereince. When I think about it, the valley experience may be about pruning, sacrificing, and the shedding of something close to us. Sometimes it's incredible people like Karen. Now she wasn't some bad habit or some stuff I needed to get rid of. She was something that I depended upon - heavily. For others it could be a vice, addiction, relationship, habit, or anything that you dearly hang on to.

Sometime during her battle with cancer - and my deepest desire to minister to her - a friend emailed me a devotion she had received. The focus of the devotion was identifying the "Isaac" in our lives and challenging us to willingly offer them up to God. Just as Abraham was willing to offer up his one and only son, Isaac, upon the altar of sacrifice, God may want us to offer up that which is close and dear to our hearts. That's what I did. For Abraham, God provided a substitution for Isaac, a ram to be sacrificed. I offered Karen up to God to do with what he wished. For Karen - and me - that was her life. For another friend who did something very similar when his wife was deathly ill, it meant healing. The outcome isn't always the same.

I say all that to say this - when we are in the valley we may be asked to sacrifice our "Isaac." What is your "Isaac?" What is it in your life that you cling to, you hold so dear? What, or who for that matter, that if taken from you would cause you to feel as though someone had amputated it/them from your own body?

Remember, it's not for others to say what that thing or who that person is. It is for you to identify. Once you identify your "Isaac" then offer it to God. It's not about the thing or the person, it's about obedience; giving it/them up to God. It's about worship; honoring God with all that you have. When it comes down to it - it's about God, not about us.

As I continue through the valley experience I must trust that when I offered Karen up to God he was pleased with my offering and that he will guide me through the valley. You, too, must remember that God loves you and is waiting for your offering. He WILL walk you through the valley.


Sacrificing my Isaac,
Mike

You and You Alone

Billy and Cindy Foote wrote and recorded the song, You are God Alone. We at Carpenter's Way sing this song during worship. I love it. Sometimes it's hard to sing, because if you listen to the words it says that God is not dependent on us. Who he is is because of who he is. He alone is God, because he is God. I know this may sound redundant, but think about the implications. Because God is God, then by his very nature he is who he is. This is enough to make my head hurt.

I recently viewed a video of Dave Busby who suffered from cystic fibrosis and polio. Dave passed away in 1997. But here is the incredible part. In the video Dave declared that if he died a terrible death full of suffering God would still be God and he would still be right. Why? Because he alone is God!

Now . . . that doesn't mean we will like it. It doesn't mean we will always agree. It definitely doesn't imply that life will be easy. It also doesn't declare that we will always understand what God is up to. It's OK! These are natural responses to the unknown. It just simply means that God is still God and he is still right - He alone is God.

That's why when we are in the midst of the valley sometimes we must trust God's heart, even when we can't see his hand at work. My friend and co-laborer, Steve Sparks, reminded me that Karen's death didn't catch God by surprised. God didn't turn his back or blink and all of sudden Karen was dead. No, he was there all the time. He's still here. Working and leading me.

If you're in the valley right now, know this: God did't wake up this morning surprised to find you in the valley. He knew you were going to be there the entire time. Don't be surprised that He's been there, working, caring, leading, feeding, and protecting you all along; even when you couldn't see or feel his presence. That's what makes him God.

Take some time today to thank God for being there for you. Maybe you need to find a quiet place away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life and just sit--quietly. Invite him to meet with you. Invite God to reveal his presence to you. Then, when he does, thank him, worship him. Tears may flow, that's OK. I have allowed my share of tears to flow as I worship him and feel his wonderfully mysterious presence come over me. It's refreshing. It's good!

Remember, in the valley experience God is still God and he is still right - he alone is God!

Can't always see him, but then it's called faith,

Mike

Hanging with the Flock

I want to let you in on a little secret about the valley experience - not every moment, not every day is full of pain. That's right. Sometimes, actually quite often, I smile, I laugh, I joke, I sing, and I conintue living life. I like to laugh, I like to smile, and I love to sing (though many would probably agree my version of singing is questionable). It's who I am and it's who I like to be.

A couple of times I have mentioned "hanging with the flock." This is part of what enables me to laugh, smile, sing, and conintue living life the way God created me to. Wednesday night God provided me an opportunity to share Karen's story with a group of students. Doing so enabled me to hang with a great friend and brother, Stacey. Stacey is the self-titled "Director of Wildlife" for Fusion Student Ministries at Humble Area's First Baptist Church. I was also able to hang out with some of my god-children and their mom (Stacey's wife). We laughed, we remembered, and through it all I was encouraged. That day I was able to hang with the Mama LaRue, and Stuart (Middle School Pastor of Fusion Student Ministries). What a day!

Thursday morning I was in thome of some of Stacey's students praying with and for them. Later that morning I was in the home of a new friend and brother in Christ who has a heart for reaching college and young adults in his area. As Pat Cammarata shared his vision it captivated my heart. WOW! I got excited for him and wanted to help him any way I could.

Last night another brother in Chirst called me. Steve is the Associate Pastor for Worship at Carpenter's Way. He called to check on me and we talked about the weekend coming up and our plans. It was great to hear from him. I can't wait to see him on Sunday.

I said all that to say, "hanging with the flock is therapeutic." It is encouraging and it moves us through the valley. If your in the midst of the valley, please find some other sheep to hang with. Jesus did. Check out the days before he was arrested. He shared his story with this friends, he even invited them to the Garden to pray and be a part of his experience. They just didn't get it at the time.

Listen, God never expected us to go through the valley alone. Allow those in your life to be a part of it. What you will find is that most of the time it's not as bad as we think it is.

Allow me to say, those I mentioned in this entry are not the only ones who have been encouraging. I could fill an entire entry with the names of sheep who have come around me, ministered to me, encouraged me, and continue to help me laugh, smile, and sing. You know who you are. Thank you!

Keep smiling, keep singing, keep living!

Striding with the shepherd,
Mike

God Loves You More

One of the lessons I have already learned through my valley experience is that God's love goes beyond ourselves and our valley.

I remember one night lying in bed and talking with God. This is a good time and a good place for me to talk to God. Being ADD the dark and the quiet eliminates distractions. It was also a great time/place for Karen and me to talk about stuff. Anyway . . . as I was lying there talking with God he reminded me that no matter how much Karen was suffering, no matter how bad her pain would get, HE LOVED HER MORE!

Did you get that? Irregardless of her experience, God loved her more. God, again, reminded me of this fact today - no matter how bad things may get for me, no matter how deep I must travel into the valley, HE LOVES ME MORE!

Think about that for a moment. Let it settle in. Ponder the depth of what God is saying.

His love is greater that the greatest pain, the greatest displeasure, the greatest torture short of death we will/could ever experience. That means that the greatest force in our lives is God's love for us. Because of that force, we can move forward. We can keep getting up in the mornings. We can continue to live lives with meaning and purpose.

What about your valley experience - parent's divorce, abusive situations, addictions, relational problems???? Do you ever feel as though no one understands? Do you ever feel like the valley you are in is the greatest force in your life and it's overwhelming you? I can relate. But you do need to know that inspite of your valley, God's love is greater . . . so much greater.

Want to know that love? Click here for an interactive presentation to hlep you know how to have the kind of love that overcomes even the worse times in our lives. Have you experienced God's love, but maybe forgot how powerful it is? Email me - let's dialogue. I want you, and everyone who reads this blog, to know that God's love supercedes even our greatest despair.

Remember, the greatest potential for spiritual growth comes during our valley expereinces. Trust the shepherd, hang with the flock, and keep moving toward the next mountain.

Walking with the sheperd,
Mike

Affects of the Valley Experience

One thing about the valley experience is that we don't always know the affects the experience will have on us until we are neck deep in the experience. Look at it this way - I didn't know how much I would miss Karen until I so far in the valley; to the place of no return. I didn't know how much this would hurt, until I ran head first, eyes squinted, muscles tightened into the valley experience.

Let me tell you . . . it hurts. It hurts bad. At times I feel as though a part of me has been amputated and the nerves left raw and unexposed. There's nothing that makes them feel better. Sure, I know Karen is in a better place, she's worshipping her God, she healed, she's yadda, yadda, yadda. I know, I know, I know! But that doesn't make the hurt go away or get any better. I'm not angry and God. I'm not angry at anyone here on this alien planet. I'm just hurting.

Here's what I do know. God loves me more than the pain I'm feeling. He is faithful. He will never leave me and he will not jack with me. I can count on him and his grace. I also know that his grace is enough and that through my pain, my weaknesses, his power will rest perfectly on me. I also know that he's big enough to handle my issues and more. If he wasn't, you wouldn't have a chance. My stuff would overwhelm him and he wouldn't have time for yours and vice-versa.

So, what do I do now? Great question. I will continue to trust the heart of God. Even if I can't always see it, it will trust it. I will continue to learn from my experience. I will continue to depend on my Shepherd and allow the flock to come around me. I will continue to acknowledge the pain and allow God's perfect power to rest on me.

What affects is your valley experience having on you? Have you admitted them to God and, more importantly, to yourself. I once heard that if you are not honest about how you feel the only person you're fooling is yourself, God already knows how you feel. Yeah, the valley experience sucks sometimes. But, remember, it is here that we find the greatest potential for growth.

MS

I'm Back!

Ok, I'm back. Today is my first day back in the office. It is good to get back. It is good to get back into my "sanctuary." You see, in the midst of the valley, we look for comforting places. We want something to hang on to. That is why, I believe, it is so hard for us to go through the valley times in our lives. The valley changes things. It changes who we are, where we are going, and what we are to do. I am now doing things that Karen used to do. I am now going places ALONE. I am a different person that I was even a week ago.

A real life example took place yesterday.

I hung out at my dad's place while we were in Waxahachie (yes, it's in Texas) for Karen's funeral. On Sunday morning we went to church with my dad at The Oaks Fellowship. Since I'm always interested in seeing how processes work in churches I do get to visit I filled out the guest card. After I filled in my name and address guess what they wanted to know next? That's right - married or single? For the first time in twenty-one years I checked "single." I have never attended a church where I didn't check the married box. But things are different now. I'm different. I'm in a new season of life. Not good, not bad, just different.

One thing we must understand and accept is that different isn't always bad. Somehow we have adopted the concept that change is bad. If that's true, then pull all your teeth and order up a nice sirloin. Good luck and let me know how it goes. If change is so bad, then tell God he didn't have to send Jesus, because you would rather live according The Law rather than grace. Change is not bad. It's different. While different scares us, it can move us closer to the end of the valley.

In the mean time I will continue to allow God to make me different. I may not always like it, but if God's doing the changing it will definitely be for the good. I will still seek out people, places, and things that bring me comfort, like my office and my dear friends.

If you're going through the valley right now don't object to change. It's part of the valley process. Trust the shepherd and lean on the flock. That's what they're there for.

MS

Putting it on hold

I will be putting things on hold until, probably, the first of next week. I will be focused and involved in Karen's memorial and funeral services through the end of this week.

My hope is that you will re-visit In the Midst of the Valley to find out what lessons God is teaching me as I continue my journey through this valley. As it is my hope that you will find meaning, encouragement, and help for your own journey through the valley.

Walking with the Shepherd,
Mike

Seasons of Life

Ever realized that there are certain seasons of our lives that no matter how much we prepare for them, we just are not ready? Take marriage. We plan, we dream, we combine, then it happens . . . we begin to live together. Doesn't always work out according to the plan, does it?

What about children. I've been told, and have observed, that no matter how much effort parents put into the preparation for that first child . . . it's never enough. The books may help, parents may offer their support and advice, and the room may be filled with every toy and learning gadget available, but it just ain't enough.

There are always things you just can't prepare for - that first argument (though making up isn't half bad), or when the baby isn't wanting to cooperate the night before your really big event, or meeting or whatever is on your agenda for the next day.

Loosing a spouse is the same way. At 1:10 pm on Sunday, May 8, 2005, my wife, Karen, went to worship her God for eternity. No matter how much we prepared - making arrangements and decisions ahead of time - it just didn't prepare me for tonight.

I tried sleeping. But there is a Karen-sized hole in me right now. I will never hold her again. I will never get to kiss those soft lips of hers again. I won't get to see the twinkle in her eye that appeared when she smiled at me, even in the midst of her pain. I will never here her say, "I love you." That last one is huge for me. The one thing I always wanted her to know was that I loved her. Every day I would ask , "Did I tell you I love you today?" Regardless of her answer I would always reply, "I love you." I never wanted her to take my love for granted or think that I took her love for granted. Regardless, I will never get that opportunity again.

The house is already different. Her medicine is gone. Her chair and the area around it has been cleaned up and all the medical stuff has been removed. I actually sat in her chair for the first night since she came home from the hospital a couple of months ago. Yeah, it was weird! I wasn't prepared for that feeling either. I had a few moments alone in the house, I wasn't sure what to expect, but I can tell you it was kind of eerie. There was a presence missing, a Karen presence.

I wasn't prepared for this. I'm not sure I'm prepared for tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that. But I know that my Savior is standing beside me. He has promised to never leave me nor forsake me. I'll take that!

I know there's life after death for spouses remaining on this alien planet. I know, in due time, things will "make sense" again. But most of all I know God is still God and He's always right.

Karen has reached her mountain top and what a view she has from there. I will continue my journey through the valley. I will not give up, I will trust in my shepherd, and I will continue looking forward to the next mountain top.

Lessons from the valley - Don't Give Up!

I want to predicate this entry by saying I haven't completely worked through all of this, but God gave it to me today and I wanted to share it with you.

In the midst of the valley you cannot give up!

This is a big one for me. So many times in ministry I have wanted to run, not for just a day, but for good. I was tired, worn out, and didn't want to do it anymore. But I stayed. Only, and I repeat only, because God would not let me leave. I know the whole "I have a choice" thing, but if I was intent on being obedient to God, then obedience meant staying, regardless of how I felt. So I know a little about giving up and going on.

Today, I watched someone else keep going. Karen, my wife who is suffering from cancer, kept going (see A Little Clarification below). I came home from the church and was getting some lunch when she began experiencing incredible pain. I'm talking probably a 15 on a scale of 1-10. As we were trying to get her pain and nausea under control she began walking through the house. I walked alongside her, rubbing her back and helping in the most helpless of ways. During one the rounds through the house Karen told me, "I'm tired of suffering." All I could do was hug her, hold her, and cry along with her. But after a moment she turned began walking again and praying. Have you ever heard someone litterally cried out to God? She wasn't speaking just words. She was pouring her heart out to God. Not as if, but because her very life and the quality of her life depends on Him. She was literally crying out to God as she walked. How she kept going in the midst of such passionate prayers I do not know.

Her prayers, not just the words, but the emotion and the heart behind them reminded me of Jesus' prayer in the Garden of Gesthemene. Here was a man who was about to enter the greatest valley of the entire history of humanity. He would endure suffering as we have never known it. In the Garden Jesus prayed with passion and emotion. So much so the Bible says that his sweat was like drops of blood. He kept going.

As the story unfolds we find Jesus in the midst of the valley. He was mocked, beaten, tortured - he suffered, but he kept on going. At any moment he could have called it all off, but he didn't. He and Karen kept on going. And am I glad.

I'm not trying to equate Karen and Jesus, except for the willingness to undure suffering to move forward through the valley to the next mountain top.

Jesus now sits on the greatest mountain top of all - the throne of heaven. Karen will one day stand on her mountain top - right alongside Him.

If you're in the midst of your own valley, don't give up. Jesus didn't, Karen hasn't, and don't you either.

A Little Clarification

I would like to clarify something for those of you who are not up to speed with my situation. My most excellent wife, Karen, was diagnosed with colon cancer 2 years ago. In January of this year the doctors at MD Anderson told us there was nothing more they could do to help her. Directly after this news Karen ended up in the hospital here in Lufkin where the doctors said there was an abdominal mass that was inoperable. She is now at home where we manage her pain and nausea through medication.

If you would like to find out the progression of things I invite you to check out Karen's Update. If you would like to post a word of encouragement, a verse of Scripture, or anything else check out Karen's Prayer Journal.

Hope this provides some insight as to the "valley" through which we are in the midst.

Remember, it's in the valley that we, as followers of Christ, find the greatest potential for growth.

Lessons from the Valley - part next

Suffering is a part of life (It's part of the valley experience)

As I have traveled this journey through the valley I have become acquainted with suffering in its various forms. I have suffered as a minister torn between my desire to serve God's people and to serve my wife. I have encountered the suffering of a husband who can only sit and watch the greatest gift God has bestowed upon me writhe in pain, unable to "fix it" or make it better in any way, except to pray. As a man I have come to truly know the suffering of circumstance-imposed celibacy and the earthly temptations that accompany it.

Somehow, somewhere, we've adopted the idea that once we receive Christ we will live happily ever after. We have bought into the notion that life in Christ is supposed to be about hugging each other, smiling all the time, holding hands and singing Kum By Ya. Where did that come from? Who decided that the middle of God's will is the safest place to be? Tell Jesus, Paul, eleven of the Apostles, the prophets and those referred to in the end of Hebrews 11. They all suffered while they were right smack dab in the middle of God's will for their life.

In his books, The Barbarian Way and An Unstoppable Force Erwin Mcmanus challenges the notion that the safest place for Christians is in the middle of God’s will by saying that the most dangerous place to be is in the middle of God's will. It was in the middle of God’s will that Paul was stoned, beaten with rods, shipwrecked, left cold and naked. It was in the middle of God’s will that Stephen, after boldly presenting the gospel was stoned to death. It was also in the middle of God’s will that Jesus was beaten, mocked, spat upon, and went to the cross for you and me. No one will ever convince me that being in the middle of God’s will is safe. If you want safe stay away from God’s will. If you want to see the Kingdom of God moved forward jump feet first into the middle of God’s will and hang on!

But...God does provide grace. In the midst of the valley, in the midst of suffering in its various forms, I have been blessed to know and experience the grace of God it its various forms. Through people who come and stay with Karen during the night, sacrificing their own rest to make sure she gets her medication at the appropriate hour, to the continued gifts of food, encouragement and prayers. I have experienced the grace of God through encouragement and the through wonderful words of wisdom from friends, fellow co-laborers in Christ, and family. This is not to mean suffering doesn't or won't take place, it just means God will provide the remarkable grace to get us through it. Suffering will happen. Don't believe me look at God's Word. Suffering is a part of life, it most especially a part of the life of those pursuing the heart of God.

Lessons from the Valley

I changed the name of the blog to "In the Midst of the Valley" after God began to reveal several things to me this past weekend. Hopefully, as future entries are posted, you will see the reasoning behind the change.

Almost a year ago I shared with our church that, as Christians, our greatest potential for growth is in the valley(s). Why? Because, while we long for mountain top experiences we can’t stay there. We cannot survive on the mountain top. There is no shelter, no food, and no water; the necessities for survival don’t exist beyond the tree-line of life. There’s nothing to sustain us. This is not to take away from the importance of mountain top experiences. They are valuable experiences in our lives. They represent battles fought and won, struggles overcome, achievement, exhilaration, and “now that that’s over” sigh of relief. They also serve as a vantage to point to help us see the next mountain top. But to get there we must pass through the next valley. Some times in our excitement or because we just don't want to go through another valley we want to jump from mountain top to mountain top. But in reality that’s not even a possibility. Sadly, even when we may attempt the next valley we often scramble back up to the previous mountain top hoping to experience that feeling of exhilaration and victory – to no avail. Again, these mountain top experiences are important in our lives, but they will not provide for us the needed sustenance to take us on the next climb to that next victory – that sweet taste of victory.

Valleys supply us with the food, water, and shelter needed to grow. While there are certain opportunities for us to become prey to the temptations, the trials, and the travails of life, there are all the essentials to furnish us the needed provisions to overcome the enemy. In the valley is where we will find our shepherd. He is the one who will protect us from the enemy. He is the one who will lead us through the valley. He is the one who nurtures us and cares for us, feeding us, disciplining us, and showing us the way to the next mountain top. His name is Jesus and he is the Great Shepherd. It is away from the herd that we struggle and become easy prey for predators of life. It is when we wonder from the fold that we unknowingly stray into the enemy’s hands. It is only when we are in his presence, under the watchful eye of the Great Shepherd that we are under his protection. Stay in with the herd. Not only is there security in numbers, but there is sustenance of life and care of the shepherd.

God reminded me of this message and lesson this week. He also reminded me of others. This is a recollection of these lessons as God reveals them to me through Scripture, mediation, prayer, and discussion with other believers. It is for your immense love for Karen and me, your patience with me as I learn these lessons and they become a part of my life, and for the gracious favor you continue to pour upon me that I thank you Father.

I pray that these lessons will somehow encourage you and provide food for thought. Don't hesitate to comment. I am most interested in your comments.