All Alone

Ever feel like you're all alone in the midst of the valley?

Being alone is one of the greatest and most difficult lessons for me to learn. I have written before about how I hate, let me re-state that, I HATE being alone. It really hit me while I was working through some stuff last November surrounding Karen's death. Now, don't get me wrong. I love solitude. There are times when I don't want to be around anyone else. I either need some down time, so veggin' time, crash time, whatever you call it I need time away from people to recharge my batteries. That's why my time with God in the evenings and in the mornings is so improtant to me.

But being alone is not my idea, nor is it my choice. When I speak of being alone I mean coming home to an empty house and unable to share my day with someone. I mean getting in the car and not having someone on the other side. I mean not having someone to share life and dreams with.

When I say "not my choice" I mean I didn't choose to be alone. I didn't plan Karen's death, nor did I do anything to bring my loneliness to reality.

So what am I getting to? God has put me in a position of total and utter dependence upon Him. Everyone I have depended on in the last five or so years have been cut off from me. Friends, family, loved ones - all have been removed. It's not like I can't call or email them, but I can't sit down and share, seek counsel, live life over a cup of coffee, dinner, or a movie. For me, and I would guess for many other valley experiencers, dependency is related to proximity. I tend to rely more on others when I am in geographical proximity of them.

Now they're not around. I can't go sit and talk with them. I can, however, sit with God. He's always with me. He says He would never leave nor forsake me. He is as close as I am to Him.

So. . .as I take one lesson at a time, I am learning to depend upon God. It's difficult for someone like me who doesn't like to be alone. . .then again, I'm not. God is as close as a whisper. . .a thought.

Never Alone,
Mike