What the. . .?

Please read the previous post first [click here to read it]

So by now you're wondering what in the bejeebers is going on? Don't blame you one bit. I kinda thought the same thing last night. Allow me to interject.

Last night I found myself at the church sitting on a curb under the portico in front of our nursery entrance with a cup of Gazebo blend from Starbucks, pouring my heart out to God. I have never wept so bitterly at the state of the church. Denominations deteriorating. Churches chasing after everything but Jesus. Leaders loosing their heart and passion for their calling. Families in disarray. Men running away from their responsibilities as husbands, fathers, and spiritual leaders. Children being treated like chattle. Ministries splitting because of petty disputes. And, in case you haven't noticed, it's all taking place inside our "happy" little churches.

God so burdened me last night that I couldn't even get off the curb. I just sat there and through tears and snot poured my heart out to God. I couldn't believe what we call church was what He ever envisioned. I begged God to change His church. I pleaded with Him to call us back to our first love. I cried out to Him requesting He send His transformational power on HIS church. I asked God to remove our masks.

Rarely have I felt the kind of anguish I experienced last night. This was new for me. It was concerning and troubling.

As I prayed I found myself pouring my heart out before Him, spending time in confession and repentence. I am so confident. . .no arrogant and prideful and I do it my way; hiding behind a mask of insecurities. I am so ashamed to be called a pastor. I turned it all over to God. You may not realize it, but in the last year God has removed me from everything that is dear to me - my wife (she passed away last May), family, friends, co-laborers. All I have left to offer God is me. . .my heart. So I gave it to Him. I tearfully handed over my heart to God. I released the death grip I had allowing it to slip through my fingers into His loving and powerful hands.

In the midst of the tears and snot bubbles I became angry - not at God, but at the church for allowing Satan to have a foothold in its presence, structure, beliefs, mission, etc. I didn't know why until I read Acts 14:19 and realized Satan doesn't just go away. He always comes back for more.

So here I sit in my house contemplating last night's events. Still angry, but now at Satan. And as I said in my previous post, I'm not taking it anymore.

How about you? How about your church? Your denomination? Your ministry? Your heart?

Mike