War in the Valley

WOW!! It's been more than a month since I have blogged!

To tell you the truth I really didn't feel like it. I have been experiencing the deepest part of my valley experience since this whole thing began. And to be honest. . .blogging was the last thing on my mind. I would often pull up this blog and just stare at it. I didn't know what to write, much less want to write. This last 2 1/2 months have been very dark for me - Dark and Difficult.

Maybe I can shed some light after coming out on the other side - at least on the lighter side of this hole.

I took some time off to spend with a friend who has an incredible ministry. He connects with pastors who are hurting, struggling, wounded, burned out, and stressed out and ministers to their soul. And boy does he!! During our time together he asked me what my greatest fear was?

To my surprise I said,

"I feel like there is the war being raged that is so dark and so deep I can't explain it." The only way I could express it in words was to use terms Paul uses - my flesh man was at war with my Spirit man and I was afraid my flesh man would win. Now. . . loosing the war to my flesh man wasn't my greatest fear. Additonally, was the fact that I would walk away from God - not just away from going to chuch and ministry, but turning my back on God and saying, "See ya!!" And in doing so my greatest fear was revealed - the self-destructive behavior that would follow.

What you may not know is I did this once before. I was in college, following God's calling to full-time ministry when all hell broke loose in my family. I thought that if this is what following God was going to be like then I didn't want any part of it. That's when the most destructive behavior of my life expressed itself. I found myself on the verge of becoming an alcoholic, pushing myself physically, financially, relationally, morally, and just about any other "llies" I could find.

It was only by the grace of God and a faithful wife that I rediscovered God and placed him in his rightful place.

Now I was about to do the same thing - again - and I was scared!

I'm better now. My Spirit man is winning. Doesn't mean I don't struggle every once in a while, but I know who's going to win. I know what the outcome will be. I know that I may stumble, I may even fall, but I know I will get up again and continue on this journey. Why? Because I know where the ultimate victory lies. God has the victory - already. When Christ died on the cross and 3 days later walked out of the tomb that couldn't hold him he claimed the victory for ALL those who call him Lord.

What about you? Feeling like you're loosing the battle? I know exactly where you are. The only thing I can say is the battle is the Lord's and he has already won. Live in the knowlege of the victory you have in him.

It won't be easy. It may take some time. It may even be a struggle, but remember - movement, even it's one foot in front of another. You can do it. God is for you and he has given you the victory!!!

If you find yourself struggling email me and let me know. I will pray with and for you. I will dialogue with you and share my lessons in hopes that they may help you.

Traveling a little lighter,
Mike