Just a thought.
This is just a thought that hit me as I drove home from Atlanta, Georgia. I went there to hang out with my cousin, Stephen, and his family (a lot of them) while hurrican Dennis swept through the Mobile area.
On my drive home - some of you are now rolling your eyes and thinking, "Here we go again." What some of you don't know is that when I drive for extended periods of time by myself I begin to think about, on, and through some things.
I will explain what happened then I will throw out the thought.
As I was driving it seemed that every song that come on the radio was connected to a memory of Karen. Then I began to think back through the songs. Some of them didn't have anything to do with Karen and me. So I began wondering if I was trying to make the connection.
Here's the thought:
Do we try to make a connection to the memories we have of mountain top experiences? If so, why?
Hang with me a moment. For me, my mountain top was my marvelous relationship with Karen. Now, maybe, I'm trying to get back to that mountain top is some way. Maybe when I'm thinking of her I'm trying to relive the mountain top experience. Know what I found out? Even though I may have wanted to relive the mountain top stuff, I felt the pain of the valley. I began to miss Karen all the more. The memories weren't all that reassuring.I'm not sure.
For you valley experiencers, have you encountered this phenomenon?
Hmmmm. What do you think?
Driving and dreaming,
Mike
posted by MikeS @ 3:59 PM
2 Comments:
Mike,
I have been thinking on this for several days and this morning it finally hit me. Is it possible because you knew her so well that you can anticipate her reactions to songs? That you are relating to things the way you would have related to them as a couple? You were a couple for over 20 years-so naturally everything you did and thought revolved around not just Mike- but Mike and Karen.
I don't know if you remember, but Karen helped me decorate my house. And the last time she was in my house she commented that things were exactly the way she put them. She was suprised that I had moved nothing!!! I told her if it looked good why mess with it?
I am now taking her advice and Pam is helping me decorate a little. So when we are in Hobby Lobby (which is the last place she ever shopped-I took her to buy a frame for pictures for Christy and Paige) I am finding things that Karen would like and buy. Now Karen never saw these things, but I just know from my experience with her that she would like them. So I pick them up (I have to touch things) and I get sad. I am sad because I can not share it with her. I don't know if this makes sense or not - but it is just a thought.
Nanalynn
Nanalynn,
I think you are on to something here, but allow me to take it in a somewhat different direction. When I would think of Karen it would usually be her smile, her singing the song (Karen knew the words to every song recorded since the 1940's - or so it seemed), or something having to do with her alone - not us together.
I do think it has everything to do with us being together for 20+ years - including dating for 3 years before we were married. I did get to see her in a light that no one else ever had the privilege of doing.
I'll continue to ponder the thought. Thanks for the input, I know you miss Karen as well.
Mike
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