On a more personal note

I share with you not a lesson I've learned, necessarily, but a word from my heart.

Today is July 7, 2005. Karen and I would have celebrated 21 incredible years together today. They weren't always wonderful years, though they were never dull. On one hand I am thankful for every moment we were able to spend together. I praise God above for for the 20 plus years we were able to share - good & bad, richer & poorer, healthy & sick.

On the other hand I am extremely sad today that we couldn't share this day together. Often times I hear people say something like, "I wouldn't trade one minute." I might even say that except for the fact that it is not completely true. In fact I would definitely trade these last two years for a healthy Karen in a heart beat. Yeah, sure, people may not have been ministered to, but today is not about them, it's about us! Sorry if I let you down, but it's how I feel this morning.

Whether I show it through my writings or not, or though my outward expressions or not, does not mean I am over Karen and things are all right. Let me be brutally honest with you -- I desparately miss Karen every day of my life. Sometimes it's because I am having to do some of the things she used to do. At times, it's because I miss her presence. Other times, I miss her advice and attentive ear. I also miss her support, encouragement, and affirmation. Overall, I miss the love of my wife. The kind of love that a wife bestows upon her husband. The love that was meant to be filled by Karen alone.

Father, I do thank you for every single moment Karen and I were together. Grant me strength to get through this day. I have so much to do and I need to focus on everything. Help me comforter to get through this day.

Still struggling in the valley,
Mike